Getting to know each other
Questions and conversation starters for getting to know someone
The first line is often the hardest. A few good questions turn polite small talk into a conversation where you really learn something about each other.
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Opening: specific and personal
“Hey, how are you?” is friendly but gives little to work with. Refer to the profile instead: a photo, a sentence, a shared interest. Showing that you paid attention almost always earns a longer reply.
- “You’re by the water in your photo – is that one of your favourite places?”
- “You mention you like cooking. What’s your dish for a special evening?”
- “What’s the last thing that genuinely surprised you?”
Questions that open a conversation
Open questions that can’t be answered with yes or no invite people to tell a story:
- What does a really good Sunday look like for you?
- What do you always make time for, even when you’re busy?
- What have you learned or tried for the first time recently?
- Is there something you’re particularly looking forward to right now?
Going deeper – at the right moment
Once the conversation flows, it can get more personal. Questions about values and wishes help you find out whether you’re heading the same way – without it feeling like an interview:
- What matters most to you in a relationship?
- How do you handle stress or arguments?
- How much closeness and how much time to yourself do you need?
- Where do you see yourself in a few years – and what’s part of that picture?
When the conversation stalls
Short replies don’t always mean lack of interest – sometimes people are tired, shy or just don’t love texting. Pick up part of their last answer and ask about it, or share something personal yourself. If nothing comes back, it’s fine to move on kindly.
At FOUND LOVE, the cheat sheet right in the chat helps here: it suggests ideas for openers and for stalled conversations – without reading along and without AI. And the short games for two in the Connection Lab are an easy way to see a new side of each other.
On the first date
A first date isn’t a job interview. Listen, ask follow-up questions and share something about yourself too. And plan it so you feel comfortable and safe: a public place, your own way there and back, and someone who knows where you are.